How can I stop my best friend from doing something I've contemplated at least a dozen times?
I don't even see the point of posting this on my blog that I haven't been on since September, but I just need to get this out of my system. I have no idea if this will actually end up helping anyone, but it's worth a shot.
I try to give my best advice and I try to help as much as I can...but I don't know how much I'm helping and it's killing me. I just keep thinking that I'm making things worse and I don't think I could live with myself if I actually did make things worse.
All I know is that if things turn south...I don't think I would be able to keep going. This person has helped me through so much and the only reason I haven't done something stupid is because I want to be as strong as they've been. They are my inspiration to get out of bed everyday...Seeing their face is pretty much the only thing that makes me smile - I mean, really smile. Not that fake ass smile I put on everyday for my other friends and family. And the fact that they are in such a dark place and I can do nothing to help...
This is making me sound like I'm in love with the person. I'm not. Not in love, although I do love them. They are probably the best friend I've ever had. I can tell them anything about me without judgement or disgust. I need more people like them in my life.
The point is I need this person. I need this person to be okay. It might be for selfish reasons, but I can't live without this person and I just need them to understand that. I need to know if I'm helping them at all...even a little would make me feel more at ease.
I'm sure this person doesn't want to worry you with whats going on. I'm also positive that you are the reason for this person's living as well. They are so lucky to have a friend like you and couldn't imagine what would happen if they were ever to lose you. I'm sure they want you to know that you help so much more than you know. That even if you are just a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to laugh and smile with, that you are such a good friend to this person. They need you more than you know, and they want you to know that they love you too.
ReplyDelete